


Too Late

by janajee



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Season 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 19:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janajee/pseuds/janajee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike says goodbye to a friend. Someone whom he wished he could have gotten to know better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

Spike never did get to say goodbye to her.

First of all, he didn’t really know about it until it was far too late. He was already halfway to Africa by the time she died. He could not possibly have known. Even if he had, he was too busy fighting for his soul to feel pain for anyone but himself.

Then when he came back, he was busy being crazy. He was living in the basement of the school. Too busy to really give a moment’s thought to her or anyone else for that matter. Too many of the people he had killed were already shouting for his attention. A thought about another dead girl was not going to enter his mind.

But she did show up, as did Joyce. That was when he realized, in his own crazy way that she too was gone. The First used their faces as another way to drive him crazy. But that’s all they were at time; just faces. Two in the sea of people that he knew were dead. Some he knew and cared for, but mostly just people that he had killed.

Then he started leeching off Xander Harris again.

With all the free time he had, he never thought to visit her grave. Most nights, when the First wasn’t having its way with him, he was too busy trying to contain the crazy. No one would blame him if he never thought of her, or anyone else. Except for Buffy, he always made sure he thought of Buffy. He would think of how he hurt the person he loved the most, how he lost the trust he once had from the slayer and the Scoobies. The only time he gave her any thought was when he realized how she would probably hate him too, if she had lived long enough to discover what he had done.

After a while they found out, the Scoobies. They found out how he was being used by the First. He did not have the time to feel sorry for anyone when already he was too busy feeling sorry for himself. He insisted that he be chained, just to be sure. When chained, he could not go about wherever he pleased, so he could not hurt people. However, it meant he had a lot of time to himself again. His body might have been chained to a wall, but his mind was free to wander. Sometimes when he’s all alone in that basement, he thought of all the people he cared about that were gone. He thought of his Mum, he thought of Joyce, he thought of her.

He thought of the time he punched her to prove that her family were making up the crock story about her being demon. He thought of the time when she lost her mind for awhile, and exposed him to sunlight accidentally. He felt bad for Willow, and he felt sorry for her then. He thought of her words, when she learned about his relationship with Buffy, which made him chuckle. He liked girls with sass, and that girl had lots of it.

He promised that when he managed to get the control he needs and frees himself from The First’s hold, he would make sure to visit her, just like he visited Joyce.

But the thought soon left him; the First got a more literal and physically painful hold of him.

As he was being tortured, he did not have the luxury to focus on a lot of things. Spike could only focus on Buffy and her promise. He trusted that she would come for him. Because of that there really was no place for anyone or anything else.

When Buffy came for him, she glowed, and he glowed in response. His world revolved around Buffy once more because he was right. He believed the right thing and he believed in her. There was no space; there was no time for thoughts to dwell on anything else, on anyone else.

No one would take it against him for not thinking about a friend, right?

It happened on one of their regular teach-the-potentials nights at the cemetery. It was his turn to do the rough and tumble routine. He taught them how to fight, how to react, how to deal with a vampire who was stronger, faster, and so much blood-thirstier than they were.

When they were headed home he noticed the headstone. He stood still for a minute when he read the name. He finally stopped and thought of her then. She was a witch who died of natural causes. A soldier who fell too early. Someone who never really had the chance to fight back. A friend he never really took the time to know. She was always one of the decent ones. The ones who treated him right and proper.

He took a moment to stare at her grave.

“Spike?” he heard Buffy’s voice, calling out to him after awhile. She questioned him, wondered why he stood so still. There was a slight fear in her voice, a slight insecurity that the First had gotten hold of him again.

“Yeah, I’m coming!” he shouted back, assuring Buffy that he was fine. Then he turned his attention back to the headstone where the name of a friend was etched in rock.

“Goodbye, Tara Maclay,” he whispered and walked away.


End file.
